Friday, May 4, 2012

Hungry for Change - Days 4, 2, 1

My ED…


This has been a powerful exercise for me.  It felt difficult, if not impossible, to depict what my disease and recovery really are to me in just a few words.  I wrote a bunch of random thoughts and feelings and arranged and rearranged words.  As I did, I found that I was really digging into the core messages of my disease and recovery.  My eating disorder started as a thing in which to find refuge, but quickly became nothing short of a living and very lonely hell.  The details are of no importance, that’s the core and ugly truth of the disease for me.  I was hoodwinked and then I was trapped.  I became resigned to my disease.  I knew sickness was all there was for me and I would die alone.  Heavy stuff.  Recovery is light.  My friend likes to say “wear recovery like a loose garment”.  I get it.  There is so much freedom in recovery and in being able to move in whatever direction I please.  I can do this because I’m secure in the beauty of my recovery, and in the amazing examples and support I have all around me. I don’t fear it all falling apart because what sense would that make?  I couldn’t figure out how to add a very well used mantra of mine to my slogan without making it too long, but it really does represent my hope and faith in recovery.  

In the voice of something bigger I hear, “I didn’t bring you this far just to drop you on your ass!”

When I’m in fear, when I think I need fixing, when I want a fix, when I’m too tired, when I can’t see the solution, I remember that I am never alone.

Weighing in briefly on my missed days…

  1. I have faith and hope today. 
  2. The freedom to dance. 
  3. Being Auntie Frannie Fran Fran.
  4. I LOVE my family.  I LOVE people.  I get to experience life with others.
  5. I have my giggles back.
  6. Women are special and priceless and I get to learn from other women today.
  7. I trust in change today.  I pray for growth.
  8. I ENJOY parties and banquets and holidays!
  9. I have a purpose today.
  10. I am alive and life is good.

One reason – I want everyone to hear and know


  1. i really really love when you wrote "wear recovery light a loose garment" recovery does represent freedom! but when we are caught up in ours eds it's so hard to see that and to believe that. our eyes are clouded over so much that until we start taking steps into the recovery light, we don't see just how freeing and wonderful it can be. thanks for sharing that : )

  2. Your posts in the challenge are really inspiring to me. Thank you.