I haven’t had much to say for a while. Life is going on and I’m showing up. I feel kind of blah I suppose, and I know the cause so it’s not anything I want to fix or feel is going to destroy me inside. I have certainly had some mornings where I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make all my obligations that day and wanted to stay home more than I wanted to get up. It sounds a lot like depression, but I know and am comforted that it’s my chronic pain, increased over the last few weeks, that is causing my lackluster attitude. I’m actually pretty impressed with what I’ve been able to do considering the level of pain I’m in. I haven’t quit anything or lied to anyone to get out of obligations. I forgot a meeting with one of the women I work with, but I still got there after she called to remind me about it. I haven’t looked all that neat and tidy or spunky at work, but I am still getting the job done and receive nothing but positive feedback from my coworkers. Now, just there, in less than a paragraph, I have found a topic for this blog. Gratitude! The power of it is amazing. When I first started typing I didn’t feel up to the task and now I feel like I could write forever!
I’m so grateful for so many things in my life today. First things first is the simple ability to welcome growth and good and then to share it. This is my own personal definition of gratitude. I’ve written before about pain being my greatest motivator for change. I absolutely grow from pain and with it I’m blessed with the good that comes once I’m on the other side. I’m allowed moments of pain, frustration, disappointment, guilt, shame, and brokenness while still remaining present and aligned with reality. So if and when I welcome some tough times and deep emotions, I get to experience the growth and the good. Best of all I get to share it! Truth is I have to or I get all sick and stupid in the heart and head, but it’s such an experience that I see it as a privilege. I get to see and experience my life in an entirely different light than ever before and then I get to show others a whole new view of me.
I have a group of five or six female friends who write a daily gratitude list. 10 items a day and it might as well be a million. The depth of emotion and richness of life we share in those emails is unbelievable. The only guideline I have for my list is to be honest. It is a gratitude email chain so I do have to come up with things I’m grateful for but I’m often surprised how that lets everyone in on what’s really happening with me. I don’t have to see any of these women in person for them to know or for me to know when extra support and encouragement is needed. It’s a paradox to me because logically I would think that by sharing only things we are grateful for it would mean we write only the simple, happy and good life events, leaving out the rest. That is not the case! We see it all, but we see it in the light of gratitude. What that tells me is that I don’t need to whine and moan and bitch and complain to get support or help. Why not seek to walk through struggles with the heart and eyes of gratitude? I’m betting growth, good and companionship will continue to be found on the other side.
I haven't done my email list today so I will start it here. Enjoy!
- It’s Friday!!!! Sleep is on the horizon!
- I get to see Tina tonight and see the prayer quilt the women’s guild brought to her.
- My mom asked me to watch her try on the clothes that she is packing for her week away to a wedding.
- My sister called me this morning and asked when I was going to meet them at the pool. They’re in Palm Springs! So wonderful to feel loved.
- My niece and nephew “love vacation”!
- Hearing my husband’s work meeting went well in New York and he’s coming home tonight! Yay.
- My husband asked me what I want to do for Valentine’s Day in advance. That’s a miracle!
- Going shopping this weekend to start my new wardrobe and it’s even in the budget.
- Even though I couldn’t see my old doctor I do have insurance and will be able to see a doctor that can help.
- I do not have to fix or control anything in my life today because I know God’s got me. All I have to do is continue to seek.