When life happens, I want to be there

As usual this holiday has inspired me to reflect on my experiences, my relationships, my health and my overall life perspectives.  I like to start with the shortest time frame, the closest things, and build out from there.  Generally this approach ensures I end on a positive note.  Maybe it’s the distance or the time that’s passed that allows me more of an open-minded outlook and more permission to view the older, wider scope stuff as positives.  That’s neither here nor there I guess so here we go…

Starting with the near and dear, this year feels like it’s been a rough one.  If nothing else, it’s been a change packed one and we all know how I do with change! Growing pains indeed!!!  I moved my home; lost a dear friend; changed jobs; welcomed my new nephew home J; had neck surgery; and got some life-changing news about my mom.   Those were the doozies.  Sprinkled through were the little things: I celebrated three years sober; I got to hear stories from some awesome women and be inspired by their strength again and again; I went camping with my husband, then with friends, then with more family; I giggled a lot with too many friends and family to count; I enjoyed the ups and downs of my high school divers and celebrated their new skills; Notre Dame is #1 and going for the National Championships in a couple short weeks, and I was there with my dad, bro and husband to watch them beat USC; I wore a crown on my birthday on a hiking trail; I reacquainted with friends of old; I was able to clean up a little more of the wreckage of my past and continue to feel more and more at peace with others; I got to enjoy a rad cousin day; I heard just last week my brother has delivered three babies (WHAT!!!??? He’s really going to be a doctor!); I called my mom and sister almost every weekday morning and heard them and the kiddos in all their morning glory.  I could keep going but suffice it to say life is happening and the coolest part is I’ve been there to experience it! 

If I take a walk away from all that and turn around to see the bigger, broader view, I’m just in complete and total awe at the gifts and love that seem to have been poured straight down on my head in the past year or 4 or 33.   I see how lucky and blessed I am.  Certainly in light of all the traumas and hardships that are happening around the world, my ‘changes’ seem luxurious and inspired.  My heart aches for those in pain, experiencing injustice and stricken with loss.  I want to fix the wrongs and the hurts and the grief, but of course I can’t.  It makes me wonder how I got so lucky.  I used to ask God why a lot.  “Why me God?  Why is it so hard God?  Why can’t it be different God?  Why can’t I just quit God?”  I had to stop asking why in order to allow myself to just live and do the next right thing.  So now as I’m asking “How did I get so lucky God?” it occurs to me that I just don’t get to know the why’s and how’s of life.  I’m discovering that it’s in the not knowing that I’m enabled to live in today and simply do the next indicated thing.  Truth is I can’t know when someone will need my help or even if I'll be able to help them when they do, but so long as I show up and remain present, you bet your butt I’ll be there when life happens.   

All the love during this holiday season and happy reflections to you!!!

A Letter to Little Me - HFC Day 15

Write a letter to yourself as a child – you can choose which ever age you feel is most relevant to you. What do you want to tell that child? What wisdom can you share with him/her? What encouragement can you give to that child? Tell that child what good qualities you see in him/her. After writing reflect on what you have written and recognize that those qualities still lie within you, as does that child.

Dear Francie,

Hello beautiful!!! So you are only six and I am thirty two but believe me when I say, I get you.  I know you love making lists so here’s a checklist for you to complete every day.  Feel free to rewrite it as many times as you like, and to cross out your completions with bold marker or circular scribbles, whichever you like. 

• Giggle.
• Tell your sister and brother you love them.
• Raise your hand in class and ask a question.
• Ask your parents to tell you a story about them when they were your age, they have some doosies!!
• Do a dance – freestyle.
• Get good and dirty.
• Mess up your hair.
• Sing a prayer or say it aloud.
• Cuddle with mom or dad or brother or sister.
• Give yourself permission to cry, even if you don’t cry, just remind yourself that it’s okay if you do.
• Find some water and get yourself soaking wet (bath, shower, hose, pool).
• Keep dreaming BIG.
• Remember you’re a kid and your parents will take care of you and your bro and sis no matter what, no matter what.
• See you body in the mirror and love it.  God gave it to you and it can do so much already!  You’re so fabulous exactly as you are.

This should be a good start.  Everything is going to be okay.  You are okay!  Have fun and be bold.  Be grateful for what you have and embrace it all with joy and laughter. You’re six!!!  Woohoo!

Things Awful/Things Awesome

Having just begun this blogging adventure, I’m mentally filing events that might be blog-worthy.  Not having written in a week, I had quite a few blog-worthy bits in the queue.   Upon review, many of my week’s thoughts and experiences caught me with unusual amusement.  Apparently, I really don’t like a lot of things and I have a strong opinion about most everything.  Even the stuff that doesn’t harbor a strong reaction from me has a designation of acceptable/unacceptable, tasteful/insulting, and the like.  I’ll call the items with a positive designation green (green for go/good) and those with a negative designation red (red for stop/bad).  Having a good day used to be dependent on how few reds I encountered.  If too many then forget it- horrible day.  That’s not generally true anymore and while I still have pretty intense reactions to things, my resulting emotion and behavior tends to look more like mood swings than melt downs.  I think I’ll just share some of the highlights from the past week, both red and green.  Here we go…

Reds (in no particular order)

1.  Drivers that stare you down after you make a mistake.  You didn’t think my horror struck face and squealing tires were awareness enough?  Plus now I’m just pissed off at you and your lack of attention to the road!

2.  Cashiers that assume everyone in line is there to make them a social visit.  We’re not.  We want to get to where we want to get ASAP and we want you to do your job well so as not to delay us.

3.  TV shows that cast every character as a complete idiot.  Especially adult cartoons where every character sounds like Bevis, Butthead or Napolean Dynamite.   The voice alone is enough for me to decide they have low self-esteem, social disorders and unresolved childhood issues.  Oh and using the one guy to do all the voiceovers is a total distraction.

4.  Tappers.  My husband is a tapper.  Why!??!!! Why??!!!!!  I can hear that!!!!!!!!!

5.  The mirror that always looks back at you fat.  Who made those mirrors and why did they not just melt it and start over when they looked into it and knew that it was the worst representation of themselves they’d ever seen?!  I vote we all destroy such mirrors and in their spots leave pleading notes that ask the future replacement mirrors be either honest or can improve the truth (just a little).  For the sake of sanity, man!

Greens (also in no particular order)

1.  When you watch someone for just a minute that is completely unaware of being observed, even if they turn out doing something dumb or weird.  I love that outside, anonymous view.  Seems so pure.

2.  Getting the giggles.  No matter where I am or who’s seeing it happen, the giggles are always a good time.  I’ve been so embarrassed by the complete loss of control on many occasions but I’m always better for it.  Plus, it’s a total adrenaline rush and a giggle buddy boosts the fun! 

3.  When kids imitate their parents with that grown up tone and those grown up words but totally work it as their own.  Too funny.  My 2 ¾ year old niece wiggled herself into a seat before a snack this Sunday and asked me, “Should we pray?”  In that moment she was my sister.  Classic.

4.  Being cuddled.  No matter my mood, hugs are the best.  My mom’s are comforting, long and snug.  My husband’s are moving, swinging side to side and strong.  My sister’s are joyous, she hangs off to the side and laughs.  My brother’s are double winners, strong and soft all in one.  My dad’s are classic, always firm with a pat.  Love hugs.

5.  When you wake up thinking it’s Monday and then realize it’s Sunday and you have a whole 24 hours until you have to go to work again.  It feels like a huge time refund and it’s all for fun and relaxation.  At least for a few minutes.   That’s such a great feeling. 

I’m happy to report that while all the reds were a part of my last week, so were the greens.  It’s been a great week and this has been a fun exert.  I hope you enjoyed it too!