I haven’t had much to say for a while. Life is going on and I’m showing up. I feel kind of blah I suppose, and I know the
cause so it’s not anything I want to fix or feel is going to destroy me
inside. I have certainly had some mornings
where I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make all my obligations that day and
wanted to stay home more than I wanted to get up. It sounds a lot like depression, but I know
and am comforted that it’s my chronic pain, increased over the last few weeks,
that is causing my lackluster attitude.
I’m actually pretty impressed with what I’ve been able to do considering
the level of pain I’m in. I haven’t quit
anything or lied to anyone to get out of obligations. I forgot a meeting with one of the women I
work with, but I still got there after she called to remind me about it. I haven’t looked all that neat and tidy or
spunky at work, but I am still getting the job done and receive nothing but
positive feedback from my coworkers.
Now, just there, in less than a paragraph, I have found a topic for this
blog. Gratitude! The power of it is amazing. When I first started typing I didn’t feel up
to the task and now I feel like I could write forever!
I’m so grateful for so many things in my life today. First things first is the simple ability to
welcome growth and good and then to share it. This is my own personal definition of
gratitude. I’ve written before about
pain being my greatest motivator for change.
I absolutely grow from pain and with it I’m blessed with the good that
comes once I’m on the other side. I’m
allowed moments of pain, frustration, disappointment, guilt, shame, and
brokenness while still remaining present and aligned with reality. So if and when I welcome some tough times and
deep emotions, I get to experience the growth and the good. Best of all I get to share it! Truth is I have to or I get all sick and
stupid in the heart and head, but it’s such an experience that I see it as a privilege. I get to see and experience my life in an
entirely different light than ever before and then I get to show others a whole new view of me.
I have a group of five or six female friends who write a
daily gratitude list. 10 items a day and
it might as well be a million. The depth
of emotion and richness of life we share in those emails is unbelievable. The only guideline I have for my list is to
be honest. It is a gratitude email chain
so I do have to come up with things I’m grateful for but I’m often surprised
how that lets everyone in on what’s really happening with me. I don’t have to see any of these women in
person for them to know or for me to know when extra support and encouragement
is needed. It’s a paradox to me because logically
I would think that by sharing only things we are grateful for it would mean we write
only the simple, happy and good life events, leaving out the rest. That is not the case! We see it all, but we see it in the light of gratitude.
What that tells me is that I don’t need
to whine and moan and bitch and complain to get support or help. Why not seek to walk through struggles with the
heart and eyes of gratitude? I’m betting
growth, good and companionship will continue to be found on the other side.
I haven't done my email list today so I will start it here. Enjoy!
- It’s
Friday!!!! Sleep is on the horizon!
- I
get to see Tina tonight and see the prayer quilt the women’s guild brought
to her.
- My
mom asked me to watch her try on the clothes that she is packing for her
week away to a wedding.
- My
sister called me this morning and asked when I was going to meet them at
the pool. They’re in Palm
Springs! So wonderful to feel
loved.
- My
niece and nephew “love vacation”!
- Hearing
my husband’s work meeting went well in New York and he’s coming home
tonight! Yay.
- My
husband asked me what I want to do for Valentine’s Day in advance. That’s a miracle!
- Going shopping this weekend to start my new wardrobe and it’s
even in the budget.
- Even though I couldn’t see my old doctor I do have insurance
and will be able to see a doctor that can help.
- I do not have to fix or control anything in my life
today because I know God’s got me. All
I have to do is continue to seek.